Fear & Freedom
by Jan Bolick
January 10, 2008
Ten days into 2008, there have already been some snags with new goals and resolutions. A lot of people are backing down or backing out altogether.
Did they set their sights too high?
Or is there something big and scary in the way?
What if they could get over it or around it?
What would that be worth?
For Sue, it could be worth a lot.
We spent our last session in December finalizing her 2008 goals for business growth. She set her sights high and designed a solid plan to get there. She needed to learn some new skills - polish some others. Same for her teammates. The payoff would be big - gains in revenue, profits, morale, personal satisfaction and pay checks. At the end of our session, she beamed with anticipation about the year ahead.
Three weeks later, this self-motivated, successful and confident woman was like a popped balloon. She had started on her new plan and already encountered several obstacles. I asked for an example and she rattled off five, presenting each like a piece of evidence before a jury, making a strong case for postponing, if not cancelling the new plan.
Either one was fine with me but I was surprised and curious about this "evidence". Was it real? Or might it be False Evidence Appearing Real?
So I asked Sue, "What if you could counter this evidence, overcome these obstacles? What would that be worth to you? "
She looked like her normal self again as she reminded herself (and me)of all the possible gains - in revenue, profit, morale, satisfaction and pay.
For some reason, a twelve year old memory flashed through my brain and I asked permission to share it with her. Here it is.
***
On the way to celebrate a cousin’s birthday at the Slipnslide Waterpark in Wilmington , five year old Ryan said to me, ““Mommy, I don’t want to go down the slide. You aren’t going to make me, are you?”
My response: “No Ryan, I’m not going to make you go down the slide.”
He asked the same question at least eight more times during the 2 ½ hour drive. My answer, the same each time.
The party was in full swing when we arrived. Ryan and I stood and watched kids of all ages climb fifty feet to the top, slip and slide and scream and splash into the pool – wiping their eyes and laughing - then climb out and back to the top for another go.
After watching for a few minutes, Ryan looked up at me and said, “Can I try it once?”
Off he went. Up. Then down. Out of the water and over to me. “Can I do it again, Mommy?”
Off he went. Up. Then down. Laughing and splashing. Out of the water and over to me. "See Mommy. I told you I would like it.”
I understood.
A few years back, one of my team members had suggested we include a team building ropes course as part of our annual retreat. It wasn’t a good time since one of our team members was pregnant. Same thing the next year and the next. Secretly, I was relieved because the idea made me nervous.
A couple of years later, I signed up for the Chamber of Commerce Leadership Program. When the information packet arrived, I discovered that on the schedule for day #1 was a ropes course. I flipped through to find the attendance policy. It would be bad to miss the first day. I had to go.
I woke up that morning feeling sick. My hands felt clammy. I took deep breaths to settle myself down before joining the group. My luck kicked in. Hurricane Fran had ripped through North Carolina the month before, doing damage to the high ropes course. It was not "in service” so we would have to do the low ropes course. Darn.
It was no sweat. Until the end when they took us to a 50 foot wall. I wasn’t the only one with wide eyes, sweaty palms and stomach flips. Our facilitators told us that climbing this wall was optional.
I suited up with harness and helmet and made the climb with two teammates, cheered by a team of onlookers below. When we got to the top - Wow! It was an on top of the world feeling. Strong. Victorious. Free!
I wanted to do it again.
****
Sue shared a similar story about hiding under her desk during a spelling competition and then going on to win the school championship! She won by spelling the word "trepidation".
Our time was up. I asked Sue which obstacle (from her "evidence" list) was the scariest.
She answered and I asked, "And what if you could overcome it?"
That was it. She was ready to "climb the wall". She did a quick strategy test on me. It was good.
But fear is pesky and I wanted to be sure that when it popped up, she would remember that feeling - of pushing through fear - and then feeling the freedom.
So as we said our good-byes, I asked her to spell "trepidation".
She laughed and said, "Trepidation. T-R-E-P-I-D-A-T-I-O-N. Trepidation."
****
She called today to report that she had overcome the first obstacle on the list of many she shared last week. "I did it!" she said. "And guess what? I'm ready to do it again!"
*****
We’ve all been there before.
With something big and scary blocking our way.
Sometimes we can coach ourselves through it.
And then sometimes - we need help.
We need someone to “take us there” or “go with us”.
To help us evaluate and validate the bigness and scariness of this “thing”.
To help us remember why getting over, around or through it is important to us.
To help us remember times when we’ve pushed through similar fear.
To help us remember how great that felt.
To be there at the bottom with us.
To cheer us to the top.
To celebrate with us the freedom we find on the other side.
| "Ultimately we know deeply that the other side of every fear is a freedom." Marilyn Ferguson |
©2008, Jan Bolick, Business Class Inc Note: The author gives permission to distribute copies of this article as long the information box below is included.
Improving performance involves maximizing resources like time and energy - and it involves managing obstacles. Fear is a frequent one of these.
If you are going for some aggressive goals this year - trying to take some big leaps - ensure your success. Work with a coach. Not just any coach. It must be the right coach for you and your situation.
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Copyright 2007 – Business Class Inc
PO Box 2037 Chapel Hill, NC 27515 www.businessclassinc.com