Lessons from Dad
By: Jan BolickWhat lessons did you learn from your Dad that have helped you be a better manager or business person? What did you learn from him that has helped you build morale or productivity? For yourself or others?
Below are a few stories of my own. Will you share some too?
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Two years into my first “real” job, I had a big decision to make. Should I go back to graduate school or take a new job? I had actually already decided on school and then the new job/promotion came along. Gosh – which did I want to do? I didn’t know.
I called Mom and Dad to discuss it. Both huge proponent of education and higher learning, I knew what they would advise. I was wrong. They didn’t give any advice. Instead they listened. And then, Dad asked an excellent question – actually two.
First – If you take the job and don’t like it, could you still go back to school?
Of course I could.
Second – If you go back to school and don’t like it, will the job still be waiting for you?
Hmm – good point.
I took the job and loved it. It was a 17-year experience that included exciting work and travel with fantastic people, great financial rewards and an amazing business education.
Thanks, Dad for asking me these two questions which strongly shaped my career.
Ever since (that’s a very long time), as clients and colleagues have come to me – “stuck” in various situations with tough decisions to make, I have shared this story and asked them similar questions which have had the same, very gentle, clarifying effect, leaving them unstuck and ready to move confidently down their chosen path.
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My sister and I each got our driver’s license at age 16. But before doing so, we not only had to pass the tests required by the state of North Carolina, we also had to pass the Harold Bolick test. He wanted be sure we fully understood what our new job as drivers involved – the responsibilities, the hazards, the challenges – and to know what to do about them. He was worried about one of us getting stranded on the road (this was before cell phones). And so we had to demonstrate to him that we could lift the hood, check the oil, water and hoses, change the oil and change a tire. But not just one tire. All four. To be sure we could loosen all the lug nuts.
Though I thought it was ridiculous at the time, I’ll have to admit that these exercises gave me greater respect and awareness for the machine I was about to drive, for what it would be like if it broke down and I was stranded. I wanted to keep it from happening, but if it did, I knew I could handle it.
Thirty-five years later, with cell phones and AAA making it less likely of getting stranded for very long, I still asked Dad to help get my son ready for the road. Of course he (my son) thought it was ridiculous. But I felt better about him being on the road.
Just a few months later, he was about 100 miles from home when he had a blow out. He called to tell me how he was handling it. I could be wrong, but I think he was very proud – and very grateful – that he was prepared. I was too.
Could similar steps be added for people in new jobs, so that they have greater skills, greater confidence and greater independence? So that when something goes wrong, they and the organization aren’t left stranded?
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One last story – an important one because so many of us get so overwhelmed so often.
In November of 1995, there was a lot going on for me – personally and professionally. I can’t remember exactly what I said to Dad on the phone one night but a few days later, an envelope came in the mail. In it was a page from Better Homes and Gardens magazine, folded three times to show an article that took up 1/6 of the page – snippets put together by Burton Hillis. There was a yellow sticky note on it with a simple message that read, “Thought this might help. Love, Dad”.
He had drawn an arrow pointing to the last paragraph (in bold below). Here is the article:
Rosemary called from school a couple of weeks ago, grumpy and tired. Exams were piling up and the manager at her part-time job wanted her to work more hours. On top of that, her field hockey team was practicing daily for a tournament.
I wanted to reach through the phone line, give Rosemary a hug, and reassure her all would be OK. Instead, I told her what I do when my plate is full.
Whenever I have too many jobs to tackle, I line them up in some kind of order and knock them off one at a time. Before I know it, the last one is behind me,” I said.
A few days ago she called to say exams were over, not with perfect scores, but good enough. Her manager is letting her work extra hours on weekends, and her team made it to the finals. Rosemary thanked me for the advice, but I told her she deserved the credit. She had learned another life lesson: Problems, like the hill in front of you, keep getting smaller the more you advance on them.
The content of this article was of course very helpful. Even more meaningful was the fact that my Dad saw it, thought of me and sent it. A gentle gesture of support.
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Such wonderful lessons. Thanks, Dad.
And thank YOU, for reading. Now will you share?
What lessons from your Dad will you celebrate and appreciate – not just on Father’s Day – but every day?
copyright 2009 – Jan Bolick, Business Class Inc
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Since I was the only child AND a girl, my dad the sports guy encouraged me to be a “tom boy”…from which I learned to love, follow, eat, breathe and sleep all types of sporting events — from my friends playing Little League, to all High School team sports, and then following college and pro teams that he liked. He was patient explaining the NFL rules during Sunday games on TV, encouraging me to keep stats for multiple teams in high school (since my skills sadly didn’t match my interest), and tag along when he played golf (and let me play), baseball, softball and basketball after he turned 40. Because I eventually established writing and communication as my career, coupled with my love of sports, I luckily snagged one of my two “dream jobs” — PR director at the Pinehurst Resort — (the 2nd, on the Sports Information Director team at UNC, will have to wait, I guess) and loved every minute of it. Through my Dad’s love of sports, I am still an avid sports fan, and have enjoyed some excellent professional relationships through my contacts.
Sadly, I lost my dad to cancer before we established the give and take that “adult” parent and child often enjoy. I was lucky to have a step-father in my later adult life who had an amazing mind, a keen sixth sense, and an invisible crystal ball which gave him wonderful insight to just about everything you would need for life lessons in common sense. During a particularly bad curve in the road of my life, he did something out of character for him — he offered me advice. And while it was over 20 years ago, I recall it like it was just last week: “If you don’t take some chances, you will miss out on a whole lot of good things.” How simple that advice was, but how could he have known that those few words ended up changing my life for the better shortly thereafter. And I told him that many times. He loved it.
My father, Dr. Ezekiel Banbel, thought me responsibility and a great work ethic. Jan thank you for sharing. It made me take time to reflect on my Dad’s great qualities. May he rest in peace. Love forever!
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